THE WEDDING PLANNING MYTH June 02 2016, 0 Comments
I was never one of those girls who had planned their perfect wedding in their head before getting engaged. I knew I wanted to get married, but that was because I'd found someone I wanted to spend my life with rather than just wanting a fancy frock and a wedding day.
I love weddings, I love catching up with friends and family, making new best friends (if only for the day), and being in a room filled with so much love that It's impossible not to smile. And yes, I cry at everyone's wedding, I'm absolutely that person.
I'm not sure where it came from, but I was lead to believe that planning your wedding was great fun, and I've come to think that's a myth. Don't get me wrong, I am super excited for our big day, and I love having an excuse to bring together everyone we care about together, but wedding planning isn't one big Pinterest-worthy picnic.
Firstly, there's the cost. I know it's obvious, but bugger me, they're expensive. I completely understand it's a big industry and people have to make money, but there are a lot of people charging twice the price for the exact same service just because the word 'wedding' is involved, and I find that a little dishonest. We're not planning a hugely extravagant day. We wanted a simple barn wedding, nice dinner and a great band, but sadly, a relaxed day doesn't mean a cheap one.
Then there's the pressure. I was terrified about trying on wedding dresses, I wasn't giddy and excited despite everyone constantly asking if I was, or telling me I should be. I was worried that trying on a heap of expensive dresses was just going to bring back a host of body issues that I'd very slowly been moving on from. And I was sort of right. (Thanks boyfriends of my late teens and your 'you'd be really pretty if you were a bit thinner' comments.) Trying on dresses wasn't as bad as I anticipated. I thought I'd look like an uncooked sausage in everything, but I didn't, I even looked quite nice. It wasn't until I got home I broke down in an emotional puddle (sorry Dad). It wasn't really the dresses that caused my outburst, it just hit me that I was going to have to walk down an aisle with everyone looking at me, and it terrified me. I'm no wallflower, but I don't like being the centre of attention, and I hate the thought of being judged on the way I look. I know it's stupid, I keep telling myself that the people there are my friends, they're not going to change their feelings toward me because they don't like my dress, or I failed miserably at a wedding diet. (That's a whole other blog post, but in short, I won't fail, because I'm not on one.) I tell Nath the same thing when he worries about making his speech. No one is there willing us to trip up or stutter, and if they are, we should probably remove them from our guest list.
It's not just the pressure about how I look, It's wanting to create this perfect day for everyone, and feeling like it should look like something from a designer wedding blog. What if it's not that stylish? What if my 'laid-back, mis-matched, no theme' theme looks half-arsed, or worse still, a bloody shambles? I know these thoughts are stupid, and the rational, logic part of my brain keeps telling me that. I know that it doesn't have to be everyone's perfect day, and just having that moment with those people will be the best feeling, regardless of whether the instant camera runs out of film, or it pisses it down all day, or the groomsmen clash.
Despite my whinging, the one thing I have been grateful for is how very supportive and laid back our friends and family have been about everything, you know you've chosen your people right when they create no drama. I know my bridesmaids are probably in dresses they might not choose themselves, but not one of them would let me know that. Most of us put enough pressure on ourselves without the hassle of trying to accommodate for family feuds and high maintenance guests.
I don't mean to sound negative about wedding planning, there have definitely been fun bits - menu-tasting and making my bridesmaids try on ridiculous skirts to mention but two - I just wasn't expecting to get so stressed about silly little things outside of my control. I'm still terrified about walking down the aisle, but knowing my favourite man is walking me down it, and my best friend is meeting me at the end of it definitely helps.